You are not crazy

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Just because you seek mental health care, it does not make you a crazy person. It makes you a person that cares about your overall self-care. Never in a million years would I have thought that I would have been in therapy for anything. However, I was.

It just goes to show you that unexpected events happen, and can change the course of your entire life. For me, accepting employment with the FBI, set in motion a chain of events over five years that would turn my world into a major war where I was fighting a system which employed people that would blackball you just to make you get tired of it and leave. I watched it happen to a lot of co-workers. Never thinking that I would be next. But I was.

In thinking back, being very outspoken did not help at all. It made my situation even worst.
There was an air of doing what I say, whether it is right or wrong in the unit I was assigned too. You are not supposed to challenge the agents. The one agent that made my work environment pure hell was a female agent named Dolores. The moment she entered the unit I was assigned to, she developed an instant dislike of me. As time passed, her abuse of power became so intensive until I had to file an EEO complaint.
She was not happy at all, but tried her best to make it seem like her real feeling toward me was not as I described in my complaint as workplace bullying and abuse of power. I chose mediation over having an investigation.
Afterward, not much changed as far as it goes with Dolores. Her dislike of me was shared with every new agent coming into the unit. They became my tormentors as well. It was by no means I was a slacker because I was not. I received excellent performance ratings. In addition to getting momentary awards. I never understood what her problem was with me.
There is only so much of the nonsense, I could take. One day while at work, I passed out, falling backward, hitting my head on the carpeted concrete floor. A co-worker found me unconscious and called for a medical assistant.
That was the beginning of my journey into suffering from mental illness. The depression, anxiety, and aphasia slowly crept upon me. I guess you can say that the person I was when I started working at the FBI was not the same person when I gain my retirement.

“Workplace bullying is a persistent pattern of mistreatment from others in the workplace that causes either physical or emotional harm. It can include such tactics as verbal, nonverbal, psychological, physical abuse, and humiliation. This type of workplace aggression is particularly tricky because, unlike the typical school bully, workplace bullies often operate within the established rules and policies of their organization and their society. In the majority of cases, bullying in the workplace is reported as having been by someone who has authority over their victim. “


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